A keystone of life for me is friendship. Yet it amazes me how much I continually learn about it every day. At the beginning of summer, I was at a low point in my social self esteem. I couldn’t understand how someone could so easily burden others without worry that they would lose those who once cared. I’m by all means not perfect but I honestly felt that if I was pushy or I complained or yelled that some imaginary guillotine would swoop down and sever my deeply founded friendships. While I’m glad to say I no longer have that anxiety, I know I wouldn’t have pulled through this summer without my friends. In fact after this summer I’ll never doubt the meaningfulness of their friendship again.
I wasn’t myself this summer. I lived in a constant cloud of fear, worry, anxiety, and utter despair. The worst part is that I thought this was normal me. I couldn’t remember not feeling that way. But that’s where friendship comes in. Many of my friends thought something was off and several expressed their concerns. At first because this crazy version of myself seemed normal, I was off put by their remarks about side effects from my medication or seeking counseling. It’s hard not to be offended when someone tells you, you aren’t yourself but you haven’t been aware of that. Luckily the shadow of the true me didn’t take offense but instead listened. Since then I’ve slowly been able to find me again. The true me goes with the flow and chooses to be happy about it. Every day I work through a lot of despair and anxiety to find myself. When I do it is this calm peacefulness like I’m floating in the ocean. This summer truly has been fun and I’ve learned buckets about myself, it’s been difficult but I’m wiser because of that.
I just want to express my gratitude toward my friends.
A thanks to those that knew something was wrong
A special thanks to those that were brave enough to tell me
A thanks to those that provided me companionship and put up with me not being myself
A thanks to those that listened
And a thanks to those that are at school, who make coming back and saying goodbye to NH tolerable (almost exciting)
If you think you haven’t been thanked, think again this covers practically everyone (it's as flawless as a Tony acceptance speach). If you’re reading this, you are a friend and don’t forget it. I’m not fake and I don’t pretend to like people and I don’t hate anyone.
Also I don’t really want to divulge my own medical issues but I’m going to my doctor to sort out the hormonal imbalances that have been affecting me. Hopefully this calms any worries you may have.
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